Rat Steinberger

I have 2 cousins that live in the vicinity. Let's call them A and R.

A has always lived in the area and so, to all intents and purposes, is Catalan. She is dating Rat Steinberger, who I may have mentioned before. They recently bought a house together. She is 21.

R is Andalucian. She moved here recently to experience life outside of Andalucia. She has a nice boyfriend called L. I kissed him once but that's another story.

So, even though A has always lived here and I'm just her poor foreign cousin who knows no-one, I rarely see her, she never calls, she never writes and I feel safe to assume that this is because Rat S hates me. As does he hate all of her 'single' friends who may lead her astray and down the path of eternal damnation.

I don't mind that he hates me as I think he is a dickhead. He once threatened to report me to the police for not carrying my passport with me at all times. Yes, he is that childish.

Recently we (my cousin R and I) (not Loco - he was explicitly not invited) were invited to have lunch at A's parents house. Neither of us really wanted to go but as it is so rarely that we see A we accepted the invite.

During lunch I had to listen to a lot of Rat drivel, including racial slurs, how immigrants deserve to be exploited, how important he is, how good he is at his job, etc etc. peppered with questions about how much we earned, how much stuff cost etc. Generally he likes to talk about how he is better than everyone else, and criticise everyone else - me, you, your mum included. A delightful chap I'm sure you'll agree.

He fits nicely into the stereotypical small minded, tight fisted, money obsessed Catalan role just perfectly.

As you can probably deduce Rat Steinberger is a small minded bigot and not very nice to be around.

Later, A invited us to her (and unfortunately rat's) newly reformed apartment for coffee. It was then that I was allowed to contact Loco to invite him to come too, and it was then that Rat S demanded to speak to Loco and demanded that he bring his PS2 and the Wii.. to which Loco unwillingly agreed.

Rat S spent the afternoon playing solo on the Wii and wouldn't let anyone else play, as he is that selfish

Unfortunately (not) we had to leave to view the apartment of destiny. Before we left, R vaguely mentioned to A that she had invited Loco and I to dinner during Easter week and they were welcome to join - she didn't mean it, to which A and Rat nodded and agreed that that would be nice - they didn't mean it

OR SO WE THOUGHT...

Lo and behold Monday morning and an email from A,

Hello R
It was nice to see you at the weekend.
What day shall we come over for dinner? Let me know as I need to arrange my week.

PS What was Locos apartment like?

I like that PS - nice touch - not like they want to come over for dinner just to be competitive about apartments or anything..

Anyway, R and I decided that we would have dinner on Wednesday at 9pm, at R's house in Barcelona. This acted as a deterrent for 2 reasons

1. A does not like coming into Barcelona
2. Especially not on a weeknight

So we were very surprised when she agreed.. remember this is the girl who we never see.. ever.. especially not twice in a fortnight.. in Barcelona .. on a week night..

Well then, R and L (who was visiting from Andalucia) prepared a menu, bought lots of food, wine and chocolate. Slaved over a hot stove and received a text message from A at 8pm.

Hello. Can't come tonight. Sorry. Have gastroenteritis. Will explain soon. Have fun.

What the hell is there to explain? Come 8pm did she get a sudden and unexpected bout of gastroenteritis? and why didn't she phone to make her apologies - clearly would have been better mannered.

Or is the reason she couldn't come down to Rat Steinberger.. the ever present louse in her life?

I know what I think.