This would never happen in Germany

Been nearly a month since I last wrote.. amazing how quickly time flies.. I seem to have done loads this month so I'll break it down into easi(er) reading and hopefully chronological.. but you know me and my tangents..

1. Christening of my gorgeous baby cousins - 16th April
Background: My 2 6 month old twin cousins were recently christened down in Andalucia (south of Spain where Mummy is from - about 900km from Barcelona).. I had never seen them!

After deciding not to pay 300 Euro for a flight down to Seville my only other option was to travel down on the train.. unfortunately for me, my Auntie had chosen to have the christening of my baby cousins on the same weekend as Feria de Sevilla ( a HUGE fair/festival/week long binge of drinking dancing and eating in Seville) so this meant most trains were full and I had no choice but to get the slow trains. The one on the way down was not so bad an overnight journey on 'hotel train' (not as nifty as The Hotel) where everyone has one tiny little bunk in an even tinier boat cabin type room that you share with 3 other randoms. It wasn't so bad, although I don't know if I’d do it again. The way back was terrible though, I had to get the day train, 13 hours of pure boredom hell with nothing to do and not even a tiny bunk bed to sleep on..

Anyway once I got there it was ok. My cousin's are absolutely gorge!! The christening was really nice, loads of yummy food and about 60 extended family members telling me how much I'd grown (?!). As my train was leaving from Seville on Sunday morning I used the opportunity to head to Seville the Saturday night with one of my cousins, R, and sample the delights of the infamous Feria... it was such a laugh! We were up until 6 dancing Sevillanas (sort of like flamenco) and drinking this foul stuff called rebujito which is typical of the feria but is made of some sherry type wine mixed with lemonade.. bleugh.. although after about 5 glasses it doesn't taste so bad, and I even started to quite like it. One of R's friends (gay) was also a fellow jumper on the dance floor - what a mover - between us we tore the dance floor up with our spectacular moves and jumps.
I also took the opportunity to ogle a few Andalucian guys as they are far more good looking than those from Barcelona.. I think Catalunya is too close to France to have any hope of having any good looking locals. Damnit!
At least I got a cheeky snog with my cousin's mate, L, .. tall, dark and hot AND Andalucian.. the accent makes me melt, what more can a hussy ask for

2. Birthday Fun and games!
Headed back to the UK for my bday with an American friend (California)from Barcelona who decided to get involved
Had an awesome time. Colin and J provided much comedy banter which made for an extremely comical weekend filled with Jammy dodgers and a crazy fun trip to Alton Towers where I managed to get whiplash on Nemesis - not the way forward.. Maisy and Colin's attempt to recreate the lift from Dirty Dancing and failing miserably also pleased me as did J's new mullet..

And what birthday or in fact any day would be complete without a rendition of you've lost that loving feeling and a bday cake food fight.. I wouldn't have minded so much if I'd at least got to try a mouthful..

I now have a hilarious collection of photos.. I particularly like the one's of J and Cali downing shots at 1020 am before our trip to Alton Towers and then promptly passing out in the car.. alcohol and stomach churning rides do not mix!! All in all it was a good day.. we did almost get thrown out of the park after someone (Cali) took their camera on a ride and tried to take photos.. the ride got stopped halfway up, the camera was confiscated and we were sent on our merry way around the rollercoaster or doom with a stern warning that we'd be chucked out if we tried any more stunts like that.. i would say the rest of the day went smoothly but to be fair..with Colin and Neilio getting kicked off most rides.. smooth it was not.

3. The Hotel - Latest visitor
Lately I have had the pleasure of welcoming Jo to the Hotel. Fun times were had by all.. and we managed a little trip down to a nearby beach where I amused myself collecting pebbles from the shoreline,simple things, having collected enough pebbles to start a small rock collectors museum I started to try and skim across the water instead. Unfortunately I am totally lame and my pebbles sank without a trace after 2 (max) skims. Jo managed 7.
We also went to Barcelona's version of the Feria de Sevilla - this is like trying to recreate the full moon party on Bognor beach.. lame.com.. however we tried our hand at Sevillanas and shoved some flowers in our hair and did our best to inject some Andalucian spirit into the whole event. olé!
Jo was also invited to the chicken club sailing boat event in July.. cannot wait!

4. International Car show - This weekend headed on down to the Car Show that was in Barcelona. To be honest cars have never been my thing so I don't have much to say about this other than they had an exhibit where some all terrain vehicles go up REALLY steep slopes practically vertical. We had a ride in one. It was fun.
My cousin A's boyfriend (Rat Steinberger) (who we went with) had a large white line across his forehead where he'd worn a hat in the sun. This also amused me.

5. This would never happen in German
As some of you know, my wonderful (ahem) work colleague, lets call her frauline, is German. Just lately I cannot seem to be able to get throughout the day without hearing the immortal phrase “This would never happen in Germany” .
You too can use this phrase:

· When someone doesn't answer the phone quickly enough.

· When something isn't delivered on time..

· When a shop is closed for siesta.

· or just anytime really..

Just sigh exasperatedly and declare to whoever is listening: “In Germany this would never happen.”

Lately I have taken to finishing frauline's sentences for her. As soon as I hear the sigh, I know the dreaded words are about to follow …

Just a few days ago frauline told me that she had signed up to a website where she was sure to make a few bob…

www.rentagerman.de

Frauline is convinced that this website is for real. I have told her that no-one in their right minds would want to rent a German. Let me know your thoughts. Real or not?

6. Other

Weather is hot!

Well done if you've read this far. You are truly bored at work..

Hasta la proxima.. I’ll try not to make the next one so long.