All you need is air

Monday - I was fucked. I did not get dressed. I did not eat. I just moped.. all day.

Tuesday - I made it to work for 3 hours. Went and had Pizza and Video at V's house with Bob

Wednesday - Did a full day at work.. and then.. then there was AIR GUITAR.. I was so excited about air guitar I could hardly contain myself.. at 10 pm we all trundled down to Ireland's house to have a few pre show bevvies.. and then we headed off..

I could not believe the queue.. It was immense.. but there was no one who looked competition enough for Bob and Ireland in their matching (gay) cowboy hats..

Not only was it free to get into such an awesome event but when we got in we discovered free vodka.. I can only say it went downhill from there. We were at the event less than 2 hours yet in that time I managed to drink.. ermm... I think 9 double shots of vodka.. needless to day when we got back to Ireland's apartment for a quick turn around.. I was unable to stand, let alone walk.. and promptly started throwing up in the bathroom.

Ireland and Gracie really looked after me - what absolute stars.. I was put to bed, where I passed out and they all went off for A and J's leaving do.. gutted I missed that! Fucking lightweight.

The webs we weave

Sometimes I even manage to amaze myself at the absolutely ridiculous amount of trouble I get into. And yet I have no one to blame but myself. My friends warn me and warn me but I just won't listen ever.

And so after Stig fucked me over.. what did I do?

7 day bender of doom!

Was so stressed and upset about Stig that I ended up feeling like absolute death on the Friday.

Did that stop me going out? No
Did that stop me getting absolutely leathered? No
Did that stop me going home with Ireland? Hell No!

And on Saturday I did the same again with the exception that Ireland fucked off with some blond Norwegian bird, and I was left with Dan the weasel.. who kept trying and trying and in the end I ended up pulling him in front of Ireland's housemate more than anything out of spite.. he ended up walking me home, but LUCKILY sososo LUCKILY he went home .. I think it was after coming across Head Chicken's mother in the living room that scared him.. Thank goodness.

I then, in an effort to try and not wake her again.. wandered to the loo without switching the lights on.. I had, of course, forgotten that she had left her open suitcase in the hall which I then promptly fell into.. very loudly.. with a lot of cursing. So much for being quiet.

After a heavy weekend.. V had managed to double book herself so to get her out of trouble we all went to the cinema.. Ireland included.. it went well.. and then very very wrong when a supposed quiet night turned into me singing and dancing in the middle of plaza real at 530am.

I also woke up the next day with many bruises and a lump on my head.. I believe this was from when I was giving V and Gracie girl love in Karma and we all fell to the floor.. only to have Mark jump on top.. well who could resist 3 gorgeous women!

That night Ireland dissappeared off with my best friend V.. was I upset? Yes, extremely.. my drunken logic.. was just that.. drunken.. not helped by the fact that when I called her she denied she was with him. I even had to take Monday off work as I just felt like a physical and emotional wreck.

Of course the next day I spoke to her and she told me that nothing had happened..

I can only admit to the fact that I have become a little obsessed with Ireland. oh no.

Stig is a fucker

He finally convinced me to go back with him last night after god knows how many lies..

This morning he called to tell me it's best that we just be friends.. FUCKER. Until he's sorted stuff out with his girlfriend, needless to say I was pretty mad but V came and met me for lunch and we saw through a large jug of Cava Sangria.. and then at the end of lunch he called again.

He isn't planning to leave his girlfriend, he's very sorry. will I forgive him?

HELL NO! Not only has he tricked me and lied to me he now wants my forgiveness.. fuck off is all I have to say.

He said we should both delete each others numbers and not be in contact again.

I told him that none of this surprised me, the truth is, I knew it was coming but still I was very upset, the cava didn't help. Luckily V and Gracie are coming to meet me from work.. we will have tea.. that great British institution.. your house burns down, your family perish.. don't worry pet.. a cup of tea will sort you out.

Ayyy, q pena.

Why you should never play with salt

Having dinner with V, Freddie and V's father.. I told V not to play with the salt.. it's bad luck I said..

Freddy piped up.. yes it is.. the last time I played with salt my house burned down.

Although we all laughed.. this wasn't a joke.. he did play with salt and then his house did burn down. Luckily with no casualties.

You have been warned.