The line

It's monday morning and I'm now back at work after an excellent weekend in Torremolinos where J provided much meat for the bbq, and apart from whip lash - an awesome weekend!

Friday night it was just me and the devious one.. so we just got drunk.. J sang you've lost that lovin feeling to an entire bar of gypos and scared some away. We then tried to banter some locals and failed and ended up swimming in the sea at 6am.. J butt naked and me with at least underwear.. as hard as J tried he could not persuade me to participate in the naked time he so seems to enjoy!

Anyway on Saturday we just hung out on the beach for most of the day and waited for Brody to come and get involved in the action. She eventually arrived at around 8pm after a stressful drive and there was no choice but to go out, unwind and get the beers in... off we trundled down to a place known as 24 hour square full of annoying pikeys trying to tempt you into their bars with offers of free shots.. well we settled on a bar where drinks were 2 for 1 and the conversation turned to the old game of snog a trog..
.. to this day I'm still not sure how it came about but it was decided that J should definitely do his best to pull a munter of a 12 on 1 to 10 scale of rotteness. If he completed the misison then I was prepared to skinny dip on the way home.. and this sadly was enough to convince J to do it..

Suddenly the challenge didn't seem worthy enough of the prize. The stakes had to be raised.. and so, as well as pulling the trog, J then had to whisper in her ear "I think you're fucking gorgeous". Then, while gently caressing her side "you make me WELL horny", nibble her ear and get her really randy and then, I believe it was Brody who came up with the ultimate line of randomness...
"Can I" .... a cheeky glance into her eyes..

"Can I put my willy in your ear?"

It was the ultimate line-- and if any one could get away with it.. it was J..

We spotted a victim amongst a group of British ladies that were wearing matching t-shirts with woopee cushen written on the back. The victim was also wearing some pink fluffy ears and definitely met all requirements. We ran through the mission again.. the gentle caress, the nibble on the ear.. and culminating in the ultimate line.. "can i shove my nob in your ear."

Brody and I disappeared to the other side of the bar to observe J move in for the kill. However, J was unable to get the eye contact needed and it was decided we would sack off that bar in order to search for more victims.. but J at least had to say to the munter "I think you're fucking gorgeous" before we left.

As he approched her I caught the word gorgeous and couldn't control myself any longer and had to make a sharp exit as I'm sure if she'd have seen me pissing myself, she would've smelt a rat. However a cheeky peck on the lips was acheived and we moved on..

(Yes, I do feel mean and I know Karma will get me)

The next bar, did not contain any suitable victims as it was a local place for local people. I would not let this little hiccup deter us and so we translated the phrase from English to Spanish. It took J about 5 minutes to memorise the phrases the only problem was if he cocked up he would end up saying "Can I kill a chicken in you ear?".. most definitely not the way forward.

Anyway J then approached an more than ample sized Spanish bird at the bar and attempted to try his luck with his newly accumulated Spanish chat.. she went mental!! Not sure if it was because he asked to put his old chap in her ear or kill a chicken... we made a sharp exit to avoid death ..but it amused me all night.
The rest of the weekend was spent playing ethnic rummy and victimising local pikeys with d'ya like dags??? to which we got some random replies:
Yeh I like Mcdonalds
What was that? Another straw?
No Vee do not like dogs
Fucking yes! Bantering locals IS the way forward..
looking forward to muchos banteros in Nottingham in a couple of weeks. get in.