The line

It's monday morning and I'm now back at work after an excellent weekend in Torremolinos where J provided much meat for the bbq, and apart from whip lash - an awesome weekend!

Friday night it was just me and the devious one.. so we just got drunk.. J sang you've lost that lovin feeling to an entire bar of gypos and scared some away. We then tried to banter some locals and failed and ended up swimming in the sea at 6am.. J butt naked and me with at least underwear.. as hard as J tried he could not persuade me to participate in the naked time he so seems to enjoy!

Anyway on Saturday we just hung out on the beach for most of the day and waited for Brody to come and get involved in the action. She eventually arrived at around 8pm after a stressful drive and there was no choice but to go out, unwind and get the beers in... off we trundled down to a place known as 24 hour square full of annoying pikeys trying to tempt you into their bars with offers of free shots.. well we settled on a bar where drinks were 2 for 1 and the conversation turned to the old game of snog a trog..
.. to this day I'm still not sure how it came about but it was decided that J should definitely do his best to pull a munter of a 12 on 1 to 10 scale of rotteness. If he completed the misison then I was prepared to skinny dip on the way home.. and this sadly was enough to convince J to do it..

Suddenly the challenge didn't seem worthy enough of the prize. The stakes had to be raised.. and so, as well as pulling the trog, J then had to whisper in her ear "I think you're fucking gorgeous". Then, while gently caressing her side "you make me WELL horny", nibble her ear and get her really randy and then, I believe it was Brody who came up with the ultimate line of randomness...
"Can I" .... a cheeky glance into her eyes..

"Can I put my willy in your ear?"

It was the ultimate line-- and if any one could get away with it.. it was J..

We spotted a victim amongst a group of British ladies that were wearing matching t-shirts with woopee cushen written on the back. The victim was also wearing some pink fluffy ears and definitely met all requirements. We ran through the mission again.. the gentle caress, the nibble on the ear.. and culminating in the ultimate line.. "can i shove my nob in your ear."

Brody and I disappeared to the other side of the bar to observe J move in for the kill. However, J was unable to get the eye contact needed and it was decided we would sack off that bar in order to search for more victims.. but J at least had to say to the munter "I think you're fucking gorgeous" before we left.

As he approched her I caught the word gorgeous and couldn't control myself any longer and had to make a sharp exit as I'm sure if she'd have seen me pissing myself, she would've smelt a rat. However a cheeky peck on the lips was acheived and we moved on..

(Yes, I do feel mean and I know Karma will get me)

The next bar, did not contain any suitable victims as it was a local place for local people. I would not let this little hiccup deter us and so we translated the phrase from English to Spanish. It took J about 5 minutes to memorise the phrases the only problem was if he cocked up he would end up saying "Can I kill a chicken in you ear?".. most definitely not the way forward.

Anyway J then approached an more than ample sized Spanish bird at the bar and attempted to try his luck with his newly accumulated Spanish chat.. she went mental!! Not sure if it was because he asked to put his old chap in her ear or kill a chicken... we made a sharp exit to avoid death ..but it amused me all night.
The rest of the weekend was spent playing ethnic rummy and victimising local pikeys with d'ya like dags??? to which we got some random replies:
Yeh I like Mcdonalds
What was that? Another straw?
No Vee do not like dogs
Fucking yes! Bantering locals IS the way forward..
looking forward to muchos banteros in Nottingham in a couple of weeks. get in.

Spring in Barcelona- My latest update for those back in Blighty


Ok well here we are again.. I just about finish one newsletter and I'm on to the next.. will it ever stop!!!

1. Las Carpas - A crazy fun mad house
As is required every few weeks I have to make a visit to see my cousin - this appeases my Spanish grandmother as I’m away from the dangerous streets of Barcelona city and not hanging around with boys, and also means I get to go out on the piss outside of Barcelona.

This time my cousin had a night at an outdoor nightclub lined up - she did not sound entirely convinced by this idea.. so I wasn't particularly looking forward to it either, especially as on the train out of Barcelona the temperature dropped with every 2 kms. Luckily my cousin was very much mistaken and Las Carpas turned out to be one of the funnest places ever... 4 or 5 different 'zones' playing everything from Salsa to Cheese to House! and all outside! I think the best bit had to be walking into one zone and coming across half of an entire jumbo jet..!!! madness. I also liked the little island of palm trees that had been lit up with fairy lights, what made the place really special was the semi naked men dancing on the bars unbelievably badly. Pure comedy!

2. Barcelona Nightlife
As well as my normal guest lists to most clubs in town, (with my crew in tow I am a PR guy's dream), I now have a sweet little deal going on with a events company that run a club night here on a Tuesday night. I gather a few people together to come along and they lay on a table for me and my chosen companions with free champagne. Yes! Sitting on the outdoor terrace overlooking the beach sipping free champagne is the way forward.. This little contact means if there are any cool parties going on I always get an invite, and it often involves a free bar! It pleases me!

These last few weeks have been pretty heavy going for me what with one bday after another, various visitors to SH Hotel, plus my normal life I’m starting to feel the pain. This is not helped by relatives arriving at 8am in Barcelona and me having to go and meet them especially when I spend an hour searching for them and it appears they have disappeared off the face of the earth... only to find out 2 days later that there had been delays and they never arrived in the first place.... I wouldn't mind so much if I’d have had more than 3 hours sleep...

Last week I went out for Ludwig's b'day.

Free champagne, yes!

Free drinks all night, yes!

Bar closes at 3am, carry on partying at another club? Hell yes!

Me and Ludwig doing some crazy moves on the dance floor and finally deciding to go home at 5ish, then the realisation that he had to be at class at 9 and I had to be at work at 11... nooo!!

' ve are stuuupit ' in the words of Lud.

Taxi home has classic fm on - the Viennese waltz comes on, I wouldn't really have noticed had it not been for Lud.. “Please turn it up.. I'M AUSTRIAN!!”

Anyway that night my friend said to me “There's gonna be a cool party on Thursday night. You should definitely come. Free bar!!” and handed me some invitations.

We now have a new tradition here in Bcn (it apparently originates in Germany) that if it's someone's bday we celebrate the night before as well as on the day. At midnight we clink our glasses and this also means that we're out far too many nights!

And so it happened to be Frauline's bday on the Friday and where better to go the Thursday night than to the free bar party. The only problem being that we were a little confused as to where it was. The invitations were in the style of airline tickets and the address was Parc Ciutadella - a very large park in the center of the city. Off we trundled to the Park but could see no sign of any parties, very strange. One of the girls piped up, “Why don't we just go to any bar?” “Please,” I said, “any bar does not have free bar”, and so we continued our search and on our way we found some more people with the airline tickets.

We got to one of the main gates of the park and walked a little way in to find some airline hostesses ready to take our invitations, "Please wait here to be collected" they told us, in front of us the paths were laid out with lights so they appeared like run-ways.

I wondered if we were about to be taken on a little plane ride, but no such luck. Instead a little train came and picked us up to take us deep into the center of the park and into the middle of the zoo!!! A party in the zoo! Yes! The party had been organised by Bombay Gin, so the theme was Bombay nights. It was very cool. They had a taxi that you got in and views of Bombay were projected on to the windows, lots of cushions on the floor, and a free bar… with the drink of choice of course being gin and tonic.. yes!!

3. Andorra.

As most of you know.. I work at a *beep*.. and so most of the people who come here are not familiar with Barcelona or the surrounding area and so the *beep* works in partnership with an excursion and activity company who surprisingly enough offer.. excursions and activities.. the benefits of this to me are that I can go on any excursion free... and so having not yet taking advantage of this I decided it was time to visit the neighbouring tax free haven of Andorra to stock up on booze, fags, clothes, DVDs and beauty products as well as having the novelty of spending the day in a different country.. the downside to this was that the coach left at 7 am.. me being me, went out for dinner the night before.. but as many of you know.. with me dinner is never just dinner.. it progressed into drinks.. and a local nightclub. Anyway at some point I had some realisation of my early morning start and trundled off home at 430..
After what seemed like 10 seconds of sleep Frauline my work colleague phoned me at 6..

"Are you up? Are you awake?"

Of course I wasn't and proceeded to sleep for another 40 minutes thereby being the last on the coach.. as if that was a surprise. Anyway we set off, Frauline and I were asleep within minutes leaving our traveling companions to take some embarrassing photos.. not one to shun embarrassment I have put the sleeping photos on the space.. and yes that is a sleeping mask.. I can't be dealing with light while I'm sleeping..
After 2 hours we stopped for a loo break and a quick coffee... I'm not really sure where we were other than somewhere in the heart of Catalunya - in between Barcelona and the Pyrenees. but the people in the roadside café were truly inbred weasels of the highest degree. i was scared...i scuttled off back to the coach only to wake up when we reached our destination..
Off we got with the trip organiser handing out maps.. 'You really won't need these - the town is so small it's impossible to get lost' .. 'there are two main shopping streets and at the end you'll find the old parliament building' easy peasy..

Leander, one of the guys we were with, had no interest in shopping (crazy fool) and wanted to go trekking! HA! Trekking.. when there are so many shops in close proximity.. oh no my friend..
Anyway, off we went down the main shopping street.. to be honest i was a bit disappointed.. we found Zara.. cheap cheap clothes.. and a couple of other shops but nothing really too great.. although saying this I did manage to blow a couple of hundred euro .. anyway we wanted to see the old parliament building before we had to go back so as we came to the river .. we'd walked a pretty long way up the road.. we thought we must be getting close.. it looked about 8 minutes away on the town plan.. out came the maps...
Hmmm.. there was no river on the map... strange...
nor did the street we were on appear...
curiouser and curiouser..
we decided to ask a passer by..
Lo and behold we had walked off the map in a completely different direction, had bipassed both shopping streets (no wonder the shops were crap) and were now at the opposite end of the town to the parliament building...

Why why does it always happen to me?

After a bit of bantering about trying to find out how to get back we made it up the shopping street (niiiiicee shops no time) and eventually up to the old parliament, who should we come across but Leander. He'd been trekking up through the Pyrenees and seen a stunning waterfall and had a nice picnic and an altogether jolly old time... Suddenly our jeering of his trekking idea was not so amusing..

Anyway it had been a long day and once again back on the coach Frauline and I went straight to sleep only to be victimised by the boys cameras.. but i needed the rest.. it was Saturday night.. which meant.. more mojitos and DANZATORIA!!!!!! I really think they should start paying me some kind of promoters fee I mention it so much and badger so many people into going!

Elegant club-bar in a beautiful house on a suburban hillside frequented by the Barca florinata - that’s posh people to you and me. Upmarket and sometimes a little posey the house is actually an old family palazzo, three floors of which have been turned into a club-bar by the offspring of the owners who also run the sexy more minimalist Club Danzatoria down by the port. Quite what the neighbours think we have no idea but the beauties in here will make your head spin almost as much as the strong sangria cocktails that the welcoming bar staff prepare. Stays open until after 3am and there’s no charge. Sexy Spanish decadence doesn’t get much better than this.

As usual this was followed by cheese-mania at Atlantic and yet another late night.. at this rate I may well turn into a bat.

Sunday afternoons in Barcelona are great.. I say afternoon as opposed to sunDAY as it is highly unlikely I see anything before around 2pm.. but it's nice to stroll along by the port, have a delish ice-cream and maybe catch an evening movie.. I happened to see a film called Samaritan Girl the other day.. a Korean offering about teenage prostitutes.. very very strange .. I wouldn't recommend it!

4. Salsa classes
After three months of salsa classes with classmates who are truly the worst, most uncoordinated, completely lacking in rhythm dancers I have ever seen.. it was time for the salsa exam..
I don't think our teachers held out much hope for the class having not been able to cover all the material necessary to pass to the second course but we went ahead anyway.. a friend of mine, always comes and helps out at class.. he likes to dance salsa at every opportunity even though he's in advanced class now.. and so at the end of the exam the teacher said to him.. you can definitely go through to the second course.. you're really good!! he's already done second course I told her.. oh right. she said... then she just looked at me.. and carried on.. I guess that's a fail then..
Went to dance salsa with my housemate Aria and either I'm really really crap or HC just makes up his own moves.. I have come to the conclusion that he definitely makes up his own moves as my friend danced with him too and had no idea what he was up to!

5. Torremolinos
Things never ever seem to go to plan for me.. I was really looking forward to an entire weekend of proper english banter with Brodie and J away from Catalans and Germans.. and had booked my flight down to Málaga.. the week could just not go fast enough for my liking.. even tho it was filled with free bar parties.. and so as soon as I finished work I raced down to the airport.. almost missed the plane.. eek.. but got on.. only for it to be delayed for over an hour due to some Japanese plane trashing the runway.. not a good start

Anyway I finally got to Malaga.. J was waiting for me at the airport..(without a drink) but there was plenty of time for that.. and off to Torremolinos we went.. a quick shower and change of clothes and I would be ready to let the festivities commence..unfortunately my contact lens dissappeared somewhere in my eye.. this happens now and again and after a bit of poking it normally just drops out.. not this time.. after about 45 minutes of poking and rubbing my eye it still had not appeared.. err J I think I may have to go to the emergency room.. luckily after tipping half a bottle of liquid into my eye it finally fell out and we were back on track even tho my eye was rather red and swollen!

We headed off to a local bar for our first drink of the evening.. funnily enough the bar happened to be a kareoke bar and what better way for me to get over the contact lens incident than for J to get up and belt out 'You've lost that Loving feeling' to an entire bar full of pikeys.. half of which joined in and gave him a huge round of applause and some whistles at the end of his performance.. unfortunately the table of ladies next to us that J had his eye on made a sharp exit when J got up to sing.. I think it may have been when J gave them the old`'You're beautiful' line with a cheeky wink during the musical interlude that they got their bags and headed for the door.

Anyway the bar wasn't exactly pumping it up so we headed on down to a place known as 24 hour square.. surprisingly enough a square.. full of bars and clubs with promotors trying to harrass you into their bars with various different drinks offers.. we settled on a place that offered 2 drinks for 7 euros.. nice.. we were feeling pretty pleased with ourselves until we realised we were in fact in a gay bar.. not so clever now.. we saw our drinks away and decided to head on down to the beach front where there were many more bars to choose from.. we danced away the night doing lots of clapping (popular in Spain) and when we got kicked out and it was time to go home J and I thought it would be a brilliant idea to walk back along the sand.. after all the taxi took less than 10 minutes so it couldnt have been more than 2 or 3 km..

At 6am the water looked too tempting and so I suggested a quick dip.. J wasted no time in getting naked and running on down to the water. I at least kept my underwear on. The water was so warm!!!! It was the best swim in the sea ever, the looks from bemused passers-by were also quite funny... unfortunately brodie wasn't around that night to steal j's clothes and run away with them..

We finally made it back to the hotel an hour later and in daylight only to find ourselves locked out... I guess it served us right for being dirty stop outs!

The next day we managed to drag our lazy arses out of bed and make it down to the beach with J's new purchase - an enormous rubber ring. A good idea in theory but causes much arm muscle injury if you're not strong enough to pull yourself up into it - yes that would be me.

Anyway Brodie arrived that afternoon and off we headed again to 24 hours square. The night was pretty comical but as this is a family newsletter I have decided to edit the contents and keep J's antics that night on the quiet.. some of you have already heard about the adventures of that evening but as I don't wish to offend anyone I'll keep it out of this newsletter.. it WAS funny though! oh J..

I have rambled on for far too long again and i think i've bored you stupid now with my banter.. the next few days were spent recovering especially after getting whiplash at the waterpark.. I long for the day when I can do something without incident.

Eurovision weekend

Once again the last few weeks have gone by like a crazy blurrish whirl but let me give you a -hopefully shorter than last time - update on my latest antics.

1. Funnest Bank Holiday in the world ever!
A few weeks ago things weren't going so well for a few days in the world of S.H. work was stressful, my housemates remained as mute as ever, I’d been given the edge and the Hotel had no visitors for once so I was feeling a bit gloomy... but then the bank holiday arrived. yip yip... and the fun began..

On Friday I just could not wait to get out of work and go home, but when Maria from work invited me to go and see some flamenco with her.. well you know me.. I can't bear to miss out and I'm soooooo glad I went..
The bar we went to was tiny and absolutely packed by the time we got there - 45 minutes before the show began – all the seats were long gone so we had no choice but to squeeze ourselves on the steps down on the side of the stage, can’t complain too much., apart from an extremely numb backside we had a great view of an amazing performance..

The guitarist played like a god – and the singer had such an incredible voice .. it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up . Unfortunately I do not have the words to describe how awesome they were - like the philharmonic orchestra of flamenco, so, so good. Anyway at the end the guitarist’s father also joined him on stage to play guitar and then the whole gypsy family got involved. It was excellent. Best flamenco I have ever seen or heard by far.

And if that wasn't enough excitement for one weekend in the early hours of Friday morning my Barcelona Bessie Jack's motorbike arrived in a huge truck from the UK. As well as this his friend from Switzerland had biked down to Barcelona for the weekend and so it was road trip time!!

Having never been on a 'proper motorbike' before the prospect absolutely terrified me, especially as I was to ride on the back of Nico's bike, and boy had Jack regaled me with some stories of his crazy Swiss biker friend Nico and here I was about to jump on the back of his bike... but anyway.. it was a gorgeous day and so I bit the bullet, hopped on and off to Sitges (really nice beach town not so far from Barcelona.. famous for carnival parades in Feb.. big gay population) we went...

Randomly Jack had found some Mossos de Esquadra (basically police) shirts in his apartment (!?) so he and Nico decided to adorn them on our little adventure. It was fairly amusing when Spanish people showed respect for the shirts especially when Jack pulled up alongside cars behaving badly and gave them a flash of his badge. However I think this backfired in two ways; Firstly riding along on bikes with British and Swiss number plates somehow gives the game away… and secondly I think it became clear they weren't really mossos when any attempts to speak Spanish let alone Catalan failed miserably. they should have kept their mouths closed.. Mossos de esquadra

Sitges was fun though. Laid on the beach, had a delicious ice-cream and got accosted by a pack of smurfs that were on the beach. The road from Sitges to Barcelona has really nice views of the coast line and mountains so I was able to take my mind off being on a motorbike and admire the scenery

We arrived back in Barcelona that evening with Barcelona FC having just won the league.. MAYHEM.com .. As we stood on Jack's attic terrace drinking cava, watching the fireworks all over Barcelona city and playing Freddy Mercury´s BARCELOOONA at full volume and listening to the hoots, shouts and cheers all around us it was f-king excellent! We then stuck on Land of Hope and Glory - didn't want the Catalans to get to big for their boots. Awesome.

My street that night was absolute chaos, it seemed to have become the epicentre for celebration in Barcelona with total gridlock and everyone beeping their horns at the same time .. if anyone wanted to sleep that night they didn't have much hope.. I’ve never seen anything like it.. even my boss and his mate drove around beeping.. He said it was fun.

Anyway I couldn't not go out and celebrate that night! so it was off to the multi levelled party mansion that is Danzatoria.. I love that place! After a heavy night of celebrations I headed on down to the beach the next day, laid down my towel and promptly fell fast asleep. I awoke to find a beer seller perched on the end of my towel!

'Beer?' he says..

”What the hell are you doing on my towel?” I said

'Fanta, coca cola, water ?' replies the guy

'Er no.. get the f*** off my towel'

'Have a beer'.. and tries to put one on my hand

Completely flabbergasted by his lack of understanding of the word no I shook him off my towel and went off to watch the celebratory parade.. Barcelonians are bloody crazy.. they were sitting on top of bus-stops, newspaper kiosks, madness.. at least they got a good view of the team though. The celebratory buses past by and I took a few snapshots.. I was quite pleased with my one of Ronaldhino (sp?) and they were followed by about a thousand mopeds all beeping

Anyways was pretty tired that night especially after the weekends activities and needed to prepare for the final excursion of the bank holiday.. I'd been broken in gently and now it was time for ultimate biking Road Trip of destiny.com..

Team S.H.. : Me (Shameless) Nico (Mosso) Jack (MinYon)
Destination: Costa Brava's best beaches
Plan: Find some sandy shores, clear waters, beautiful surroundings and soak up the rays

The day didn't start as smoothly as planned with us barely managing to get out of Barcelona.. what with roundabouts and Minyon going one way and us going another.. coupled with the fact that M had my phone and there was no way of communicating between us .. it was slight chaos.. we eventually found each other and M ordered me to get on his bike as Nico wasn't going fast enough (I'd warned him of the consequences if he did)... I naturally refused to be ordered about by a minyon, Nico promised to go faster and off we went. for the second time.

This time we eventually made it on our way through the mountains along the coastal road. Breathtaking views and the most gorgeous little coves.. we arrived at our first destination Tossa del Mar where we stopped for a quick drink and an opportunity to buy postcards with Tossa written on them.. simple things..

Off we went again.. in between Tossa and our next destination there were 327 bends.. M went off ahead and we followed behind slightly slower to admire the scenery (I think Nico realised his life was in danger if he went any faster than I so desired). We soon came across Jack stopped at a view point. We set down and took the opportunity to take some cool 'bike shots' and M decided that he fancied swapping bikes.. so that Nico could have a go with his. “How generous” I thought until later it transpired that the reason M wanted to swap was that he had taken the curves too fast and had a near miss with one of the not very ample practically nonexistent barriers and had scared himself silly. Hence the reason for the photo stop.. a near game over for Jack.. I wasn't too pleased to find this out after we had got home and I had been Jack's passenger. game over hussy, was not on the agenda!


We made it alive to our next destinations and stopped to admire some beaches on the way before finally arriving at La Fosca 4 hours after we had originally set off.. at 5pm this was somewhat later than planned but this did not stop me from venturing into the clearer than clear waters and going for a swim..


All was going swimmingly heh heh.. I got out, got dressed and prepared myself to head back to Barcelona when Jack thought it would be funny to throw my flip flop into sea.. I was unwilling to get undressed and go back into the water so I asked Mosso whether he would be kind enough to retrieve it for me as he was yet to get dressed.. but no.. He wanted to carry me into the water so that I could retrieve it myself.. having little choice in the matter I was taken kicking and screaming down to shore.. ‘Please don’t drop me please don’t drop me.. I don’t have any other clothes’ Nico carried on regardless wading into the water.. the flip flop was in sight.. I just had to reach down.. SPLASH.. Nico had amazingly "accidentally" lost his footing and I found myself in the med with ALL of my clothes on.. apart from my flip flop which continued to float along.. M was rolling around on the beach in tears of laughter.. I was not amused.



Having no clothes to wear Nico was obliged to lend me his shorts, leaving him wearing his swimming trunks.. and this is how we made our way back to Barcelona.. as the skies had started to cloud over and a storm seemed imminent we roosted it down the motorway to the strangest of looks from passing cars.. I guess you don’t see people riding motorbikes in their swimming trunks everyday.. We arrived back in Barcelona at 10pm.. I was so tired couldn’t be arsed to walk home and ended up crashing at Jacks..

Well how can you top the funnest bank holiday ever?

2. Eurovision weekend

Any weekend involving the Eurovision song contest has a damn good chance.

Decided to start my next weekend on Thursday night.. not the best idea.. I had planned to be home by 2am but as is always the case.. I got in at 5… the prospect of work was not appealing so I was pleased when amazingly I woke up with a sore throat and was unable to go to work.. Even more amazing was the fact that it had gone by 1400 and ever the trooper I managed to go in for a few hours in the afternoon…

As I was feeling much better I headed out for dinner with a few friends to a Mexican style restaurant and cocktail bar.. it’s pretty small but the cocktails are tasty.. I think the best and most random thing about it is that they have a massive metal hook from the ceiling so that various performers can attach their equipment and do their stuff.. very bizarre.. I have now seen a trapeze artist and one of those that loops material around themselves and swings up and down.. Another late night.. it did not bode well for the next morning when I had planned to visit the science museum.. I know! It was actually not so bad.. and at least I’ve visited a museum now.. I also learnt 2 interesting things

1. Squirrels live in nests
2. The Capybara is the world’s largest rodent.. The museum had a sunken forest area where the capybara’s were swimming and running about.. strange little buggars.


I didn’t have too much time to absorb many more interesting facts as I had a Eurovision and Mojito party to host! Provisions had to be bought and more importantly I had to learn how to make mojitos having invited everyone round to sample them. Food was to provided by our very own French chef Mr France and his Austrian sous-chef Ludwig. It was a plan and a half.

Unfortunately as is the way of the world things never quite go quite as expected. Mr F fell down the stairs of the Metro and sprained his ankle.. and I found out just how difficult it is to buy limes in Spain. However this did not deter us.. Mr F cooked on one leg helped by the anesthetic qualities of rum and mojitos were made with lemons instead, perfect!

Great night, good Eurovision show and I was pleased to see that my two favourite songs (Romania and Greece) did well.. I was less pleased to see that the 4 main countries in Europe

We headed off to Danzatoria after the contest was over (where else for a Saturday night full of fun) and I can now say that I have used up 5 of my 15 minutes of fame being interviewed for a random Dutch/German/Swedish .. (I never did find out) TV show..

When Danzatoria closed we headed over the road to the emporium of cheese that is atlantica to dance the rest of the night away to the likes of the Vengaboys and O-zone.. euro-cheese… yes!

The Unedited Stuff

Oh! There's some juicy tales today! I truly have been living up to my namesake..
So when I say I'd been given the edge and was feeling a bit gloomy what I mean is Mr C dumped me.

The weekend hadn't been going so well with him. We hadn't seen each other in 3 weeks yet and on the Friday night I persuaded him to stay over and come out with me and Jo and my cousin to a club.

Beforehand we went for dinner and ended up having a big argument about the night in Danzatoria a few weeks ago where it turns out that the English girl wanted to pull him.

Mr C to English girl: Sorry I have a girlfriend

EG to Mr C: Doesn't matter - I'm not jealous

Mr C: Well she is. And she's downstairs and will probably kill both of us.

What happened next.. I have no idea.. all I know is, when we came out of the club there was a group of girls giggling and pointing at my man,

look look that's (insert mr C's real name)

Me: How do they know your name?

Mr C: I don't know

Me: They must know it somehow

Mr C: They must have guessed

Me: Really? Guessed? I'm curious as to how I can also attain their telepathic witch-like mind reading powers

Mr C: Shrugs

Over the following days and weeks, this subject is brought up again and again until it comes to a head at the aforementioned dinner when he told me how they really knew his name.. Needless to say I was raging that he had lied.. and lied .. and lied.. he told me I was being childish, immature, ridiculous bla bla bla

Anyway he stayed on Friday, but as he still lives with Mummy and Daddy, he wasn't allowed to stay more than one night. (Really, I know how ridiculous that sounds for someone of 25 (yes read it again folks) years old) but we had arranged to go for coffee on Sunday afternoon instead.

HC was off to Gava, a nice beach outside Bcn and asked me and Jo if we would like to join him.. I thought this would be nice, so I called Mr C to let him know I would be around later than expected as I was going to the beach.

Furious does not even describe his reaction. He told me that I was behaving extremely badly and I was left flabbergasted.. For what? Postponing a coffee by a couple of hours.. Hel-lo?

Anyway, by Wednesday I had heard nothing from him so I decided to call him, he told me that he had had no intention of calling me, and this was the guy calling me childish. I went out and got drunk. On Sunday we arranged to meet - and well - he dumped me - needed stability blah blah - his parents agreed .. need I say more? He dropped me home where I started to cry and he started to try and lure me into bed for a goodbye shag. Yeh right. I sent him on his way and prepared to get ready for a date with a a guy I met on Wednesday night when I'd gone out to drown my sorrows.

The date was not a success. I guess the puffy, teary eyed look just ain't fashion.Besides Ricardo, wasn't exactly my type.. with his skin tight trousers and zip up skin tight shirt and the way he flicked his hair back and forth.. I had my doubts from the moment he picked me up. When he then started to inform me of his mono-diet consisting of turkey and plain boiled rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner to keep in with his body building regime.. I knew it wasn't going anywhere.. the icing on the cake, however, was after our parting kiss, he turned and called, "Call me - it's your turn" ?!?!?

It took me about 2-3 days to get over Mr C, and by getting over Mr C, I mean licking my wounded ego as he had dumped me before I got a chance to dump him but let us look at the best bits:

Sex on the sofa at work - did I not mention that.. oops.

Having a quickie in his room with the door open with his parents watching TV next door.

Getting to spend time doing traditional stuff in the country with his family

Watching the hilarious spanglish banter between him and J

Obviously still reeling from being a dumpee I had a bit of a crazy month.

Although not my type at all, I ended up in bed with Nico. I now thoroughly regret it as I could now maybe classify his behaviour as stalker like. He has already confessed
undying love etc. I am now scared. Jack has no idea, he would kill me or him or both.

The following week, the weekend of Eurovision, I accidentally (yes it's the truth) forgot my keys and ended up going home with Mr F. I think I am in love. He is so sweet and nice. Although I find it incredible that I could like a French guy (he thinks the same about liking an English girl). I had an amazing night and day with him but I don't think it's gonna go anywhere as he is moving back to Paris :(

This would never happen in Germany

Been nearly a month since I last wrote.. amazing how quickly time flies.. I seem to have done loads this month so I'll break it down into easi(er) reading and hopefully chronological.. but you know me and my tangents..

1. Christening of my gorgeous baby cousins - 16th April
Background: My 2 6 month old twin cousins were recently christened down in Andalucia (south of Spain where Mummy is from - about 900km from Barcelona).. I had never seen them!

After deciding not to pay 300 Euro for a flight down to Seville my only other option was to travel down on the train.. unfortunately for me, my Auntie had chosen to have the christening of my baby cousins on the same weekend as Feria de Sevilla ( a HUGE fair/festival/week long binge of drinking dancing and eating in Seville) so this meant most trains were full and I had no choice but to get the slow trains. The one on the way down was not so bad an overnight journey on 'hotel train' (not as nifty as The Hotel) where everyone has one tiny little bunk in an even tinier boat cabin type room that you share with 3 other randoms. It wasn't so bad, although I don't know if I’d do it again. The way back was terrible though, I had to get the day train, 13 hours of pure boredom hell with nothing to do and not even a tiny bunk bed to sleep on..

Anyway once I got there it was ok. My cousin's are absolutely gorge!! The christening was really nice, loads of yummy food and about 60 extended family members telling me how much I'd grown (?!). As my train was leaving from Seville on Sunday morning I used the opportunity to head to Seville the Saturday night with one of my cousins, R, and sample the delights of the infamous Feria... it was such a laugh! We were up until 6 dancing Sevillanas (sort of like flamenco) and drinking this foul stuff called rebujito which is typical of the feria but is made of some sherry type wine mixed with lemonade.. bleugh.. although after about 5 glasses it doesn't taste so bad, and I even started to quite like it. One of R's friends (gay) was also a fellow jumper on the dance floor - what a mover - between us we tore the dance floor up with our spectacular moves and jumps.
I also took the opportunity to ogle a few Andalucian guys as they are far more good looking than those from Barcelona.. I think Catalunya is too close to France to have any hope of having any good looking locals. Damnit!
At least I got a cheeky snog with my cousin's mate, L, .. tall, dark and hot AND Andalucian.. the accent makes me melt, what more can a hussy ask for

2. Birthday Fun and games!
Headed back to the UK for my bday with an American friend (California)from Barcelona who decided to get involved
Had an awesome time. Colin and J provided much comedy banter which made for an extremely comical weekend filled with Jammy dodgers and a crazy fun trip to Alton Towers where I managed to get whiplash on Nemesis - not the way forward.. Maisy and Colin's attempt to recreate the lift from Dirty Dancing and failing miserably also pleased me as did J's new mullet..

And what birthday or in fact any day would be complete without a rendition of you've lost that loving feeling and a bday cake food fight.. I wouldn't have minded so much if I'd at least got to try a mouthful..

I now have a hilarious collection of photos.. I particularly like the one's of J and Cali downing shots at 1020 am before our trip to Alton Towers and then promptly passing out in the car.. alcohol and stomach churning rides do not mix!! All in all it was a good day.. we did almost get thrown out of the park after someone (Cali) took their camera on a ride and tried to take photos.. the ride got stopped halfway up, the camera was confiscated and we were sent on our merry way around the rollercoaster or doom with a stern warning that we'd be chucked out if we tried any more stunts like that.. i would say the rest of the day went smoothly but to be fair..with Colin and Neilio getting kicked off most rides.. smooth it was not.

3. The Hotel - Latest visitor
Lately I have had the pleasure of welcoming Jo to the Hotel. Fun times were had by all.. and we managed a little trip down to a nearby beach where I amused myself collecting pebbles from the shoreline,simple things, having collected enough pebbles to start a small rock collectors museum I started to try and skim across the water instead. Unfortunately I am totally lame and my pebbles sank without a trace after 2 (max) skims. Jo managed 7.
We also went to Barcelona's version of the Feria de Sevilla - this is like trying to recreate the full moon party on Bognor beach.. lame.com.. however we tried our hand at Sevillanas and shoved some flowers in our hair and did our best to inject some Andalucian spirit into the whole event. olé!
Jo was also invited to the chicken club sailing boat event in July.. cannot wait!

4. International Car show - This weekend headed on down to the Car Show that was in Barcelona. To be honest cars have never been my thing so I don't have much to say about this other than they had an exhibit where some all terrain vehicles go up REALLY steep slopes practically vertical. We had a ride in one. It was fun.
My cousin A's boyfriend (Rat Steinberger) (who we went with) had a large white line across his forehead where he'd worn a hat in the sun. This also amused me.

5. This would never happen in German
As some of you know, my wonderful (ahem) work colleague, lets call her frauline, is German. Just lately I cannot seem to be able to get throughout the day without hearing the immortal phrase “This would never happen in Germany” .
You too can use this phrase:

· When someone doesn't answer the phone quickly enough.

· When something isn't delivered on time..

· When a shop is closed for siesta.

· or just anytime really..

Just sigh exasperatedly and declare to whoever is listening: “In Germany this would never happen.”

Lately I have taken to finishing frauline's sentences for her. As soon as I hear the sigh, I know the dreaded words are about to follow …

Just a few days ago frauline told me that she had signed up to a website where she was sure to make a few bob…

www.rentagerman.de

Frauline is convinced that this website is for real. I have told her that no-one in their right minds would want to rent a German. Let me know your thoughts. Real or not?

6. Other

Weather is hot!

Well done if you've read this far. You are truly bored at work..

Hasta la proxima.. I’ll try not to make the next one so long.

The Chicken Club - priority membership

As always a weather update to begin: it's fantastic! The weather today is awesome, blue skies, sunshine and warmth.. it makes eating the most delicious icecream in the world even better.

This last week Maisy and Tia came to stay.. had a great time.. it's always nice to have compatriots at The Hotel! but have to admit going out every night and working every day did almost send me to an early grave.. I am sad to say I was not my usual crazy fun self and had to ashamedly slink back home at 3 or 4 every night thereby leaving the girls to fend of the Spanish men and missing the funnest drunkenest part of the night to get a few precious hours sleep.. at least I wasn't hung over though, have had to seriously cut back on alcohol since J's visit and my probable alcohol poisoning. It's for the best, need to get rid of my little food baby before the real summer weather comes around, which has also led me to complete my two missions for this month

1. Join the gym - Luckily it's down the road on my same street so I'm pleased about that, although so far I have only managed to get as far as the onsite hairdresser.. still.. it's a start

2. Salsa classes - Joined up to some salsa lessons last week with a few mates. Hoping to get good so i can get involved in dancing at the salsa clubs. Went to one last week with my housemates and Maisy and Tia and it was fun. The Spanish salsa champions happened to be there and they were amazing! My housemates and I sat mesmerised by their crazy moves. I was asked to dance on a number of occasions but unfortunately I had to turn them all down due to my inability to dance salsa... hence the lessons!! My housemate has offered to show me on a number of occasions but from what I saw at the salsa club I think he has some special (unknown to the general salsa dancing public) salsa moves of his own....

He has also invited me to join his elusive chicken club (there is a long story behind the name.. can't be bothered to explain). Members have to possess a certain philosophy and outlook on life, once proven they can enjoy sailing trips around Mallorca and other crazy fun chicken events. Mai and Tia also proved themselves worthy of chicken status and it didn't even involve naked time.. result! Am looking forward to experiencing the delights of Mallorca in June.

Anyway it is time to get back to work.. am having the day off on Friday to head down to the deep south for my cousins' christenings.. will be nice to finally see them as they're 6 months old now!

weasels on the beach and the most delicious icecream in the world. ever.

Hope everybody had a nice and relaxed Easter weekend.. Mine was great, managed to fit in loads of stuff and wangle a couple more half days off work..
The highlight of my weekend was most definitely eating the most delicious icecream in the world ever.. it was so utterly delicious that I lost the power of speech throughout the duration of eating it as I was too focused on the icecream.. I have had 3 or 4 since and every one has been just as tasty although I am now able to speak as well as concentrating on the icecream..
Perhaps joint highlight was seeing a weasel running along the beach (I'm not even making this up although to be fair it may have been a ferret) but you just don't expect to see these kind of things.. ! I was gutted that my camera battery died when I tried to take a photo of the weasel but yes I did spend Easter Sunday and Monday wandering along the sandy shores of Barcelona.. it was cool.

Unfortunately my friend threw his boomerang into the sea and after a valiant rescue operation was still unable to retrieve it so we went and drowned his sorrows with many many jugs of sangria in the Black sheep. This led to some crazy samba dancing down the rambla and my friend getting assaulted by a hooker who got her (extremely large) tits out and then felt him up... very dodgy!
I also went and had paella in the country on Good Friday.. cooked over a big wood fire.. it was delish..mmmm..
I checked out Parc Guell too.. big Gaudi Parc .. nice when it's not full of tourists.


The Unedited Part

Get this - Mr Mexico came to see me... in Barcelona! Unfortunately I do not really like juggling too many sets of balls (pardon the pun) but I did it.. I just had to see him.

I told Mr C that I was unable to spend the weekend with him as my housemates families were visiting and they had asked me to spend the weekend doing stuff with them and he couldn't come as they didn't speak Spanish and he didn't speak English so it would be awkward. BREATH. I couldn't just keep it simple.. had to serve up an almighty helping of LIES. I also sort of refrained from telling Mr M anything about the situation so it made conversations strained, to say the least, when Mr C called me up.

Flashback from Madrid: I asked Mr M to hold my phone while I went to the loo (at 3am), sod's law, Mr C decides at that very moment to text me telling me he loves me.. Mr M reads the message.. not good.. I try and weasel out of the situation by making out Mr C and I is nothing serious.. he's just infatuated bla bla bla.. Mr M is not convinced. I am not surprised. I damn myself for being a shameless hussy.

It was a strange few days.. Mr M was unsettled, clearly worried by his imminent departure to mexico and not really on very good form at all. The sex was not good, apart from on the last night when he more than made up for it. He hung out quite a lot with California who had to mates over from NY.. Obviously couldn't tell the Kraut.. she would have a jealous rage and probably kill us all.

When he left he sent me a message.

(Translated) Thanks for everything S, I'll always consider you a great friend. Kiss.

FUCKER.

Note to self: What goes around comes around.

Skateboarding dogs and The Hotel's first booking

Greetings from Barcelona where the city is still experiencing temperatures well below the norm much to my disgust but the sun is still shining so all is not lost.

Have been causing much mayhem since my last newsletter and the days are flying by like never before. I haven't had a single second to be bored as every day is filled with work and then every evening I seem to be doing something.. so apologies for not replying to emails, texts and phone calls... I don't know where the time goes.

I went to Madrid a couple of weekends ago. It's still my spiritual home! When I was there I witnessed this amazing skateboarding dog that was skateboarding around this square for about an hour trying to do jumps and skateboard down stairs but failing miserably. It did keep me amused for quite a while but unfortunately I didn't have my camera at the time to capture it on film. Madrid was awesome, I spent most of the time with a group of Mexicans and they were the nicest, friendliest people I have ever met. I had the best time with them, their drunken escapades were also highly amusing. I was given a flashing icecube as a souvenir of my weekend and I shall be sure to cherish it always.

THE UNEDITED STUFF

So I went to Madrid, the main purpose of this trip being to see Mr Mexico.

Recap: I met Mr Mexico last November in Madrid, when Maisy and I went for a weekend away there. We met on the last night, I spotted him across the dance floor and with a little help from Maisy, swapped numbers and arranged to see him outside. Lo and behold he was waiting for me and we went for churros y chocolate. We ended up "chatting" until 11am. Maisy was MAD as I hadn't called to tell her where I disappeared to and she'd left the door of the room open for me. I don't feel that bad though, the sex was AMAZING and I can now add Building entrances to the list of unusual places. I didn't think I'd see him again, obviously as I was living in the UK at the time, but the possibility of moving to Barcelona had just arisen so I told him and he told me to call him if I came.

I did the next best thing and texted him when I arrived. Since then we have been in contact and he invited me to stay with him in Madrid so off I went.

I came out of the airport and took a taxi directly to the bar that he was working at...

He had slight stubble which I wasn't loving but it wasn't too bad. He gave me the keys to his apartment and I trundled off to meet the flat mate. I then went and met Ivi (my best friend in Madrid) and we went to Pacha. Mr M met us later and I met his friends,they were all lovely. We drank champagne, tequila, danced, went home and had sex but.. it wasn't as good as I remembered it to be.. it was still good.

Anyway before I ramble on about every detail of the weekend (highlight being skateboarding dog), basically more drinking, dancing, little sleep, his friends were SUPER nice, hospitable, friendly and welcoming. We hit Gabana where I stole a flashing ice cube from the bucket of ice (simple things and all that), and laughed ourselves silly with the antics of his two best friends who were completely and utterly hammered. We also pretended that we didnt know each other in the club - roleplay - that I played too well.. I was drunk!

I learnt also that Mr M was a much deeper and more complex character than I ever could have imagined (scorpio) .. I do pick them... I may go on in more detail about this on another occasion.

He accompanied me to the airport and we exchanged emails and said our farewells. I came back feeling down.. and thinking that until Mexico never the two shall meet..

Easter Greetings

G'day sports fans
Happy Easter to everyone!
Here in Barcelona the weather is warmer, the sun is shining and it should make for a good easter weekend!
My news this week is rather depleted as I have had a rather nasty flu bug for the last 10 days which has prevented any trouble causing around the town. I haven't been out the whole time, well apart from to come to work which I was obliged to do even though I was ill. The boss had to go to Marbella to play golf dontchaknow so someone had to man the fort.. previous to this I did have a fun fun week..

1. The Hotel - first booking - Jay the weasel

The Hotel's first booking arrived on Saturday night in the form of J.. no sooner was he off the plane the vodka was poured and mayhem commenced. Muchos banteros and weasel beatings later J has seen most of Barcelona´s cultural spots and nightlife and I have been left with half a liver and one kidney and some funny funny videos.. My dutch housemates are also always up for the craic and have no qualms about demanding club entry or free drinks from whichever poor unsuspecting nightclub worker they come across... it pleases me.

Had an awesome week with Jay culminating in a small gathering at my place on the Friday night where J and I performed a duet of "You've lost that loving feeling" in front of everyone. It was downhill from that moment on, arriving at a nightclub later that evening I had to be accompanied home by J after 10 minutes. Anyway had a great week and am looking forward to my next two bookings in the next month.. bring - it - on!

You may remember that I mentioned an ex fling of mine (Adrian) would also be joining. Well in the end he backed out citing he had to study for his finals, this coincided with (came directly after) J telling him I had a bf... funny that.
2. A day in the country - calçots
I am still not entirely sure how I got persuaded into spending an entire day outside in the country in the middle of March, especially as I had to get up at 7am on a Sunday just to go, but miracles happen and I did indeed spend a whole day out in the country with Mr C and his Spanish family. I was amazed at how many people there were out doing the same. Loads of groups having big bbqs and eating the calçots which were especially tasty - the pig cheek and snout I wasn't so fond of.

UNEDITED EDITION

This month saw the first Shameless Hussy gathering. Yes I admit it was mainly men, but what could I do.. I only know men apart from Sarah Oz.

After a week of madness with Jay we ended up doing a duet. I fell over. We then went to a club where I lasted maximum 7 mintues before Jay had to take me home. He then videod me being sick.

Mr C turned up the next day. I don't think he was particularly impressed at finding J and me passed out on the sofa at 1pm. We then finally managed to leave the house and went up to Montjuic to see some views. Mr C just complained the whole time. what a gimp. He really is beginning to get on my nerves.. for the following reasons

• he doesn't like me going out
• he wants us to move in together
• he wants to settle down and have a family
• he smokes at least 3 to 4 joints a day
• he is not the sharpest tool in the box
• he has no ambition or drive
• he is tight
  
  I could go on.. but I think that's enough. I must remedy this situation.

Was nice to see a few peeps at the weekend when I was home even though my visit was so short..

Am still recovering from the 3am start on Tuesday to catch my flight back here. Had just enough time to drop off my suitcases and then I was back at work. I should have headed straight to bed that night but I was invited to Sitges, a nearby seaside town where they have the biggest Carnaval parades, and you know me, never like to miss out on anything, I decided to go along.

Sitges was pretty cool, everyone gets dressed up even though they're not in the parades and the atmosphere is awesome. Loads of people dancing in the street, drinking, giant m&m's salsaring with pirates. The only downer was that it absolutely poured with rain and I ended up getting soaked.

Some of the fancy dress outfits were amazing, the people there go to loads of effort. I dressed up as a school girl the only outfit I could throw together in 5 minutes with the few clothes I have here. I tried to get my photo taken with my favourite fancy dress outfits but unfortunately i didn't manage to get my photo taken with the sheep or the giant m&m's..

Some guys in HUGE afro wigs tried to kidnap me and carry me off but luckily I managed to escape and rejoin my friends ..

Last night I went to a bar called the black sheep where they do the most delicious sangria in huge jugs for the bargain price of 8,50 Euros

Incidentally, The Shamless Hussy Hotel has taken its first booking and shall be welcoming Jay and his friend Adrian (an ex fling) out at the beginning of March.
Well I had better get back to work. Am off out to another Carnaval party tonight, it should be good although I don't think I'll be dressing up again!

THE UNEDITED STUFF

Jack - Another Brit! Has also just recently arrived in Barcelona and he seems like a jolly nice chap so I've appointed him as a new friend.

Mr C and I have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now. Although he did not come and see me on Valentine's day he did give me a silver bracelet with my name on. (although it has his on the other side). On Valentines day I ended up going to the cinema with Jack and Sarah Oz to see Meet the Fockers! We got free chocolates.. it pleased me..

I then went to a strange strange bar called Aurora in the Raval (a dodgy area of Bcn full of hookers and other unsavoury characters).. amazing mojitos.. with an Irish guy I'd met through intercambio (don't ask). Anyway the mojitos were very strong and then the barmen invited us to some shots... ç
"what would you like?" he asked
"something yummy" I said
That something yummy turned out to be Baileys, Tia Maria, and... dun dun duh.. Absinthe. Revolting. I felt like I'd been twatted over the head. Passed out at Mark's.. and no nothing happened.

Desperate times call for desperate measures - Shameless Hussy Hotel open for business

Have FINALLY found a place to live.. it's not the height of luxury that I aspire to but it will do for now. It was more a case of desperation after looking at so many apartments I just got tired of it and took the one I mentioned earlier.

Anyway the flat itself is cool I guess, the guy who rents the room is an architect who I will call Head Chicken and has loads of parties and dinner parties and seems very easy going so that's good. His girlfriend also lives there which he failed to mention when I first saw the room.

My room is ok bar all the objections in my previous post. HC is having it decorated this weekend in any colours I want, however I want.. any suggestions?? But he's cool with people coming to visit so The Hotel is up and running from this weekend onwards.

Am planning to get the Ikea loft bed for my room and then hang a hammock underneath. I definitely think hammocks are the way forward.

I went out for dinner at the weekend and tried the local speciality Calçots..these are basically giant spring onions grilled on a barbecue, you then peel off the crispy skin (with your hands, it gets messy and you need a bib)and dip them in a special sauce made of almonds, tomatoes and some other stuff and eat them.. a bit strange but they were quite tasty.

My nocturnal activities have been somewhat limited this week as I have an eye infection and a nasty swollen eye so being the vain girl that I am I have avoided going out in public when possible

I am becoming less enamoured with the cats at work since they started having multiple cat orgys on the terrace.. very disturbing.. especially when they are all supposed to have been done, if you know what I mean!!

Anyway best do some work.. am home on Saturday until early Tuesday morning..


THE UNEDITED STUFF

Isn't this great.. all the stuff no one knows heh heh

So in my last post I mentioned I was going to visit some family members for the weekend..

Well off I went to San Cugatt to see my cousin who I haven't seen in maybe 10 years. I was a little aprehensive as I remembered her as the annoying cousin from hell, a straight laced plain child with thick glasses, who instead of being a typical child wanting to participate in cherry door knocking and the like, wanted to play vocabulary games, she would also take offence at the slightest thing and was really quite a pain in the arse when we were kids.

Fast forward 10 years... My cousin appears a bit like Sandra Dee with her blond perm, contact lenses and black leather jacket and ABSOLUTE DICKHEAD of a boyfriend on her arm. She tells me she loves partying and dancing, she's addicted to shopping and has a wardrobe full of clothes.

Anyway she takes me out that night to Sabadell where there are loads of bars and clubs! It's great! The only downer is that Rat Steinberger (her bf- I renamed him) wants to go home at 3am.. My cousin and I havent seen each other in 10 years and he just wants to spoil the fun..

We finally persuaded him to stay out until 4 although he did throw a tantrum wanting to get me arrested for not having my passport on me etc .. Bloody Catalans.

Anyway I ended up meeting a guy that night... a very cute guy who lived in a neighbouring town and accompanied me back to Bcn the next day. We went for coffee and had a chat and although I really fancied him he didn't even try to kiss me...

This happened again the next weekend... We went for lunch, walked around the city and yet nothing..I found it very strange.. he sent me messages indicating that he liked me and wanted to be with me yet didnt even try to hold my hand.. in the end I had to take things into my own hands and I couldn't help but kiss him...(and take him home.. I really have become very naughty recently)

I knew from our chats that he really wasn't my type and our ideas were completely opposite but I don't know.. he was very sweet and so hot! I was to (sort of) regret this in the weeks and months to come..

On the other side of the story

Argentina: Hmm. Well we continued our little fling until one day I went out with some people I'd met through work.. we'd got into a little habit of when i came home i would go and sleep in his bed.. so I got home.. trotted into his room.. turned on the light.. and there is a naked girl wrapped around him.. BASTARD! The next day he was moving out.. he said the girl stayed as she was helping him move.. how convenient. I was very cross especially as he thought that he could carry on with me while behaving like that.. er newsflash.. no.

Well I am less angry now and we have seen each other a few times although he keeps trying to kiss me.. I tell him no but it may take a while for that to sink in

The flat with the gays fell through. Bastards.

As did about 5 or 6 other options.

I am going out of my mind, I have seen a room that does not meet ANY (not one) of my requirements but I may have to take it out of desperation until I find something better.

My requirements were the following:

• An exterior room preferably with balcony
• A large room with a double bed
• Friendly Housemates - no couples
  
• Close to work/In the center
• A large modern kitchen
• A terrace for sunbathing and bbqs in summer
  

What I got:

• A small room
• with a single bed
• and a window overlooking the liftshaft
• in an old (but large) flat
• with a skank, old, however much you clean it will never look clean kitchen
• A couple

My first newsletter

Hello everybody,

Well have almost finished my first whole week in Barcelona... and it´s not been too shabby! Out of the six nights I've been here I've arrived home drunk on four of them, so for someone that has no amigos, it's not bad going! (Incidentally I have a total of four amigos now). It was the second birthday celebration of the company I work for on Wednesday and I used it as an opportunity to make some friends with some clients here. It's amazing how many Germans and Austrians haven't even heard of The Sound of Music!! Madness.

Apart from working and the partaking of a few cheeky beverages the rest of my spare time has been taken up searching for a flat. What a nightmare that is! After looking at what seems like a hundred million places, I have narrowed it down to a place I saw today. Some of the places I have looked at have been truly strange, I went to one yesterday and the owner had huge photos of his dog with bows in her hair and many, many tacky little dog related ornaments all over the apartment. I decided that it wasn't really the place for me.

The apartment that I think I will choose is cool. These two gay guys live there, an Irish guy and a Spanish guy but they´re not a couple.. the room is really sunny.. has it´s own terrace and only 20 minutes walk from the beach.. which some people think is a bonus! The guys also seem very friendly and stuff and they have a little cat called Coco but the best thing about it is they have a guest room for visitors so I think I'll probably take it. But fear not, I will not be turning into a fag hag.

The weather, you'll all be pleased to hear, has been absolutely gorgeous. Today as well as being really really really sunny it's also warm... get in!

I've hardly eaten or slept all week but I have walked about 25 miles and seen loads of Bcn but not really any touristy places and although my heart lies in Madrid, Bcn will do for now! The main problem (as with France) is the locals, they´re just so rude. Luckily there are not many local people that live here which suits me fine as I don´t understand a word of their strange language!

My new job is good. Lots of freedom to do things how I want, really nice building with outdoor terrace that looks onto a little square and even more cats (eight in total), I have to feed them everyday!
Tonight, hopefully I'm out for my first night of hard core party time and tomorrow I'm going to spend the day and night with some distant Spanish relatives ... from past experience I'm guessing that's gonna be special.

THE UNEDITED STUFF

I am currently living with a crazy Argentian guy, we have been out quite a few nights on the bevvies and ended up kissing in Alpha club (a cool indie rock club on Gran de Gracia). We consequently have ended up getting it on which I think is a baaad idea for the following reasons
1. he is short, much shorter than i am when i'm not even wearing heels.
2. he is very hairy almost like a gorilla
3. he is a BAD kisser

Reasons i should discount the above reasons
1. he has a beautiful cat, fluffy and white...
2. he has taken me out when I had no other friends.
3. he takes photos of random walls.. hilarious.
4. Where is my mind
5. good cook

Having looked at the above I can conclude that all reasons are stupid.. but it is only a bit of fun after all.

Written November 2005 but fits better here


Wow.. what a long time since I last wrote and so much has happened.. have made so many new friends and lost a few along the way too :( Have had 2 jobs and men have come and gone with no-one sticking in my heart or mind..

Well in a nutshell after I graduated in Summer 2004 I worked as a PA for 6 months in my home town. The job was good and the people I worked with lovely.

After "living" at home for a few weeks althought in reality spending most of my time at my friend Katie's, I could bear it no more and I moved in with 2 friends of mine, Marcus and Paul, 2 cats, Tigger and Gizmo and a Dog, Holly.

Towards the end of September 2004 Gerbil got the old heave-ho and I embarked on the first of a few flings with Caitlin's 18 year old neighbour.. probably not my brightest idea but fun at the time and since he's moved to the USA I now have somewhere to stay over there too!

In November I went to Berlin with work where I met my current boss, who offered me a job in Spain working for his company.. I met with him again in Madrid a few weeks later and decided to accept the job position in Barcelona! Crazy scary times! While on my weekend in Madrid I also met Mr Mexico who I became mildly obsessed with for a while. Mr M was a (i think) gorgeous Mexican who is absolutely lovely although I was to find out later perhaps slightly mentally unbalanced.. (this is sort of a theme in choosing men)

My last few weeks in UK went by in a blur of parties and driving lessons.. those few months I did some of the craziest things like the night in London which I will perhaps expand on another time.. bad.. very bad.

On the 13th January I booked my driving lesson and failed.. and so flew out to Barcelona on the 14th with no licence, no accommodation, no friends.. people had said I was being brave but I thought nothing of it until I was on the plane thinking 'oh my god.. what the hell am I doing??'

I needn't have worried.. apart from the apartment search from HELL.. i must've looked at about 60 places.. I met so many great people!! (and a few not so great)

Argentina - My first housemate - a crazy Argentian - in my first couple of weeks we had many a drunken night!

Mr Catalunya - My boyfriend of 3 months.. we weren't really suited, he wanted a quiet life while I was addicted to the spanish nightlife.. he left me as he needed stability in his life something I was unable to offer.

Head Chicken - I have lived with HC now for 9 months.. he is from Mallorca and very self important although we get along fine most of the time.

The Kraut, V - my very german work colleague - a love hate relationship but we became good friends in the end.. has now left BCN :(

Leibemuffin - G - I met him on my first day of work. For ten months we saw each other every day and spent the weekends partying... left BCN last week.. I miss him :(

well.. that's just the start.. 18 months is a long time to try and fill in the gaps. I kept a sort of newsletter diary which I will now post as well, although this was edited somewhat due to ex bf's being on the mailing list etc so I may add to these newsletters with some other information that others were not privvy to..

Barcelona - My new home

64 things about me

In a rather large nutshell

1. NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
My forehead - fell down some stairs as a toddler

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
photos - lots and lots of photos of family, friends, cats plus a couple of postcards

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
which one? I have 3.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
I listen to a bit of everything, I like Spanish stuff as well as English stuff. Indie, Cheese, Jazz, Flamenco.. I'll have a bit of it.

5. FAVOURITE BOOK
I like Penny Vincenzi books.. chick lit.. I'm a sucker for it. I also like books about WWII. What?

6. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Fish and Chips. Decent chinese food. Marks and Spencers. Cheese Straws

7. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Anything makes me cry.. anything.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Té blanc - Bvlgari

9. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS
Coffee - used to hate it, strange how tastes change

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?
BBQ sauce, chicken and pineapple

11. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Do you know what.. I'm not hungry.. what's wrong!

12. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Yes, I speak fluent Spanish, bit of French, a little German and I know a few words in Swedish.

13. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people! it's good to have friends

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
Bring it on. White dress, big party, friends and family.. oh hang on.. I guess one day doesn't count for a whole marriage. I would like to believe that one day I will meet someone that I wanna spend the rest of my life with..

15. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Sometimes you have no choice

16. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Actions speak louder than words apparently. But I like to say it with words.

17. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Blondes have more fun

18. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
myself .. to find out where my damn mobile is

19. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
rude people and my sister

20. YOUR WEAKNESSES
Shoes. Cocktails. Chocolate. Men.

21. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Nose. Boobs

22. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE?
I always think I'm in love only to find out that I am sadly mistaken. truly just once

23. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My beautiful eyes

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
My kidneys and liver and brain would thank the lord.. i would become a criminal

25. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my friends from UK to come over for a party

26. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
As many as I can afford

27. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Great great grandmother supposedly

28. WHICH FINGER [S] IS YOUR FAVOURITE?
ring finger

29. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Last night, like i said I always cry

30. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No... it's so bad, a big messy scrawl

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE VEGETABLE?
Peas and cabbage

32. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yes. Lots.

33. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD?
All the Backstreet Boys Collection. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Soundtrack

34. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Errm..

35. DO LOOKS MATTER?
On a love interest level I think you have to be attracted to a person in a "I think he's sexy" kind of a way

36. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Crying

37. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
in UK

38. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Yes and No. I can make best friends in a second but men are a different story

39. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Ted

40. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE?
Lots. and lots that I don't remember who they are

41. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY?
Tall, dark, handsome, well endowed with a car and a house. Gold digger? Me?

42. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
shameless hussy.. true say.

43. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
Dropping a plate on my foot. Tooth ache. Period Pains.

44. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOURS?
Blue and Red

45. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chicken and roast potatoes

46. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
a boy :P

47. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes, height, hair, hands

48. FAVOURITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Linger - Cranberries

49. FAVOURITE DRINK:
Singapore Sling

50. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Aries

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Sport. Ha!

52. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Blonde.

53. EYE COLOR?
Grey

54. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Sometimes

55. SIBLINGS?
Two

56. FAVORITE MONTH?
June

57. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Christmas Eve. I am such a child.

58. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
not shy.. I just prefer them to ask me out.

59. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Both

60. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both

61. BIGGEST FEAR?
Drowning or being burnt to death. Wrinkles

62. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
They say - there is always someone in love with you and you just don't know it

63. ONE THING THAT NO-ONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT YOU?
Sometimes I fantasise about girls.

64. FAVOURITE FILM
Dirty Dancing